Today is our 15th Anniversary.
Wow, the years have rolled by so quickly; yet it seems like a long, long time ago that we saved up a bunch of money in order to embark on a 3-week wedding and honeymoon adventure in verdant Costa Rica. This was quite a few years prior to our current NVR life – back when big adventures were rare.
While – honestly, given the choice – we'd most like to celebrate by hanging out at home, circumstances paved the way for a different reality. Our favorite-of-the-year, can't-miss conference brought us to San Francisco for the weekend, and we were all queued up to follow that up with a little ski adventure with friends in Tahoe. Well, a business meeting changed the second part of that equation, so today finds us on our way to the Hawaiian Islands.
We'll take it!
Today's post is for all of our friends who can't find a quality love relationship, who are in a shitty love relationship, or who are just out of a relationship and want to do it right next time.
Here are a few things we know about finding an ideal mate from our own path to finding each other.
#1. Focus on whether or not a potential mate "gets" you.
We're conditioned to be overly-consumed by whether a date is "like us" or, perhaps, "way too different" from us. The magic happens outside of that conundrum, and, besides, when we barely know ourselves how can we accurately discern if someone else is like us or not.
Focus, instead, on how open your potential love interest is to you. How does he/she respond to the way you think, the way you move through the world, the way you are in both the "on" and "off" moments. We know (feel, really) this information very early on but often choose to ignore it in the interest of ferreting out other factors that are nearly impossible to accurately assess. Bottom line: Is there an ease when you are together.
Cookie-cutter notions of couple-hood would say that we had no business meeting. We took a chance and found an immediate and intense ease around each other.
#2 Talk about things. Real things.
It's easy to get glamored when dating or in the early stages of a relationship. We're conditioned to focus on looks, interests, and other things that, while great, aren't the most critical.
A real bond is forged when you go deeper. Talk about issues that are important to you, talk about values, talk about what’s in your heart, talk about how you'd raise kids, talk about what a union means to you. No, silly, not on a first date, but do ensure that you broach those essential types of things at some point. Like, before you decide to get married. No, really… before you get married.
The good news is that, if you do #1, this will likely happen, as it did with us. We found a certain joy in tackling deep questions early on. And, once you rip off the band aid and do it once, it's like a drug.
#3 Do not look for love. Like, ever.
When we look for love, our own biases get in the way. We look in places where we're sure we'll find someone "like us." While common interests, etc. might be the fuel that sparks a relationship, you're cheating yourself if you don't leave yourself open to what might emerge in the least expected places
Let your "love vibe" flow where ever you are – the grocery store, the coffee shop, the car wash, you name it.
Yes, we randomly met in one of those places, and it's why we're obsessed with coffee.
We're about to land in Honolulu for a meeting with one of our consulting clients at the airport (how jetsetter-y, right). We're then hopping on another plane bound for Lanai, an island we fell in love with before we were travel writers and have been to a couple times since.
We want to take a moment to thank you for supporting us even when most of the county was not down with same sex unions. Today, we feel so fortunate for our bond, and we also feel fortunate to be surrounded by incredible, loving people.