Freedom to Redefine
The other night we got into a big conversation with some locals in Beijing, China. It’s stuck with us.
Our new friends were expressing their frustration over government mandated web censorship. Most irritating to them? The fact that they can’t (legally) visit sites like Facebook and Twitter. Weird to think that happens, isn’t it?
This turned out to be only the beginning of a conversation about China’s controversial human rights record. Turns out, our new friends are most discouraged by their lack of choice. They talked of no religious freedom, no political freedom, no freedom of the press and no freedom in family planning (they are limited to one child).
“We are basically told, at least officially, how to live our lives and how to define everything,” one said. Not surprisingly, this has a detrimental effect on their overall well-being and feeling of satisfaction. It was fascinating for us to learn more about this, as we’ve been focusing so much on wellness this month.
Anyhow, our conversation about this maddening reality led us to a huge realization. Wait a second, I take that back. Not as much a huge realization as it was a huge acknowledgement of something that we take for granted – our ability to largely control the way we live our lives and to define what matters to us.
In honor of that freedom, here are our top three rejiggered definitions.
1. Family is not determined by blood.
Of course, family matters. But, to us, real family has little to do with blood relations. If either one of us had intolerant parents – parents that didn’t accept us for who we are – we wouldn’t have a relationship with them. Period. We’re lucky to have decent family members. That doesn’t stop us, though, from making it clear that we have a zero tolerance for intolerance policy. If you’re not accepting of who we are than you are telling us that you want nothing to do with us. If that’s the case, we won’t waste your time.
Our Family Rule: Have no tolerance for intolerance.
2. Community is not determined by location.
We’re all connected as world citizens, and we’ve got to think beyond our own self interest and watch out for one another. Stewardship starts in our own community but doesn’t have borders. The distribution of income is particularly wonky in China (so we’ve been learning from our friends). This fact keeps many people focusing – by necessity – on the small picture. The two of us are able to move freely around the world; we’re able to have a big picture point of view. The world is our community, so it’s our responsibility.
Our Community Rule: Think beyond neighborhood, city and country.
3. Citizenship is not determined by paperwork.
To us, citizenship isn’t defined in a legal sense because that basically boils down to winning the birth lottery. Some of the most engaged Americans we know aren’t recognized as legal citizens. Similarly, some of the most privileged people we know don’t behave like the best citizens. Our new friends in Beijing reminded us how important it is to be engaged, vocal members of society, creating the culture you want for future generations. You become the way you live your life. Is passivity worth it?
Our Citizenship Rule: Judge a person by his/her contribution – not by paperwork.
What about you? Have you challenged any commonly held definitions in the interest of creating a better world.
Can the locals read NVR? Hopefully your blog isn’t censored there too.
Very motivating piece guys!
Yes, we can get to NVR
It’s humbling to experience this sort of thing. We have it so good. I mean, so so good. It’s almost a duty to go out and experience all we can. And also, fight for the rights of others.
Word.
Well crafted words to live by. The concepts are not new, nor are they difficult to remember, just so easy to forget. Thanks for the reminder.
Very easy to forget and take for granted.
I really liked the way you wrote number one. It is so, so true… I had a conversation a long time ago with someone from South America somewhere that has stuck with me for all these years. We were covering an election for the AP, and he was so angry about how few people here vote and started screaming about how we should make it mandatory. My answer: “For better or worse sometimes, here we value our right to choose.” I was such a blunt kid but sometimes wise… Aaaaaand, I hope more people vote this year!
Yep… that’s like the whole freedom of speech thing. We all love it until we’re walking down the street and bump into a “hate” group spewing all sorts of crap. In those times you have to remember that for us to have the freedom to say what we want to say, “those people” also have to have the right to say what they want to say.
People who vote for American Idol but not the President drive us crazy, BUT the right to vote (or not) is important.
I’ve realized since traveling that we have the luxury life. I can’t believe they can’t use facebook or Twitter in China. I had no idea. I hope when (if) I go back home I don’t take the simple things for granted anymore.
You won’t
Travel has definitely made me realize how lucky I am. Its experiences like this that make me realize that just by being from NZ I have so many more opportunities than so many people in the world. Thanks for sharing this.
Exactly, coming from places like the USA and NZ our opportunities are boundless in comparison.
When we were in Shanghai last fall, I was so frustrated by the web censorship there, and then I simultaneously felt horrible for all Chinese residents whose information intake from the rest of the world is so largely controlled by their government.
And you learn that, knowing no better with no access to complete information, most are blissfully clueless.
“To us, citizenship isn’t defined in a legal sense because that basically boils down to winning the birth lottery.”
Amen.
Boo to the birth lottery.
I think if I didn’t have tolerance for intolerance I wouldn’t have a family. :X There are many things we don’t discuss because we are so different.
Mixed feelings GAH!
Hmmm, well we deal with some degree of that as well. After all, weird uncles (etc.) aren’t banned from holidays
Anyhow, I guess the point is to start taking steps in the right direction. You know… like stepping out and challenging the whacko aunt who always talks about “illegals ruining the country” and “gays being disgusting.” We have room to improve ourselves, but it sure feels good to (mostly) call intolerance out.
This sounds like a lot of the conversations we had in Cuba. With several people, we talked about the same idea that if given the choice, many Cubans would probably go visit other countries and come back to the island realizing that actually have it pretty good in some ways. Without that choice, however, many people assume the grass is greener everywhere else and feel restless under the regime.
Well, I think the grass actually IS a lot greener in some countries when compared to others. But that’s certainly not always the case. We’re over the controlled press and web censorship here in China, so it’s a tender subject
The more I travel the more I realize that borders do not define us. I have met some wonderful people abroad that treated me like countrymen, in fact much kinder than people within my own border.
So true.
I think the past 3-4 years of my life has been around redefining (although I didn’t really know what to call it). The more I travel and the more I think about what I want in life, the more things I want to redefine for myself.
Great post!
Hope we can talk more about this one day. Maybe over coffee in YOUR hood this time.
And this is one of the reasons I think traveling is so important – to be able to acknowledge how others live and, through that, realize just how lucky we are to be able to define things for ourselves.
Just yesterday, we were hanging out with a group of visitors here talking about the things we enjoy and, of course, the things we take for granted and are reminded of by being here. It was funny to hear the ultra-conservatives in the group talk about having an ah-ha moment about environmental protection (after seeing all of the smog).
Great piece guys! I remember hearing similar frustrations during my time in China but the lives of folks in so very many countries around the world illustrate how fortunate we are to have the freedoms that we have. Like being able to speak critically of the government or being able to be who we want to be and love who we want to love.
At the same time that I met freedom-minded Chinese folks though, I also met far, far more fiercely nationalistic Chinese folks, many of whom defended their government’s censorship actions (“…the government protects us…”). I suppose when that’s all you know and have limited contact with the outside world, it makes sense.
Interestingly enough though, you know what site isn’t blocked in China (or wasn’t, when I was there in 2010)? CouchSurfing, which puts people in a real position to have meaningful exchanges of ideas with foreigners.
And I love Ayngelina’s comment. Borders really don’t define us at all. Sure, it gives you a common thread with someone else, but there are wonderful people everywhere, regardless of the nationality stated on their passport.
Wow, you two write the most inspiring posts! I agree with so much of what you’ve written here, especially about being a global citizen. I love the fact that you get into these great conversations with locals, good for you for going deeper than the average traveler!
Again, fascinating post!
We were just talking more about the whole “going deeper” thing. Anymore – when we travel – it’s tough for us to just go through the motions without actively doing things to figure out what sets a place and its residents apart. Otherwise, quite honestly, places (particularly cities) can start to feel a bit similar.
Most excellent, #1 especially. I consider some of our closest friends and virtual friends more family than compared to some of our blood relatives.
Glad to hear!
Certain things like China’s censorship and strict rules are so much more abstract from a distance. When you’re actually there talking to people who are directly affected, it takes on a whole different meaning. I get frustrated hearing about Germany’s school system, which doesn’t even affect me, so I can’t even begin to understand what it must be like for people in countries like China to deal with what is forced upon them.
Very true! It always makes me wonder what we’re overly conditioned to here in the United States.
I often find it so hard to be content in my having been born an American. Yet if there’s one thing I am genuinely grateful for, it’s that I do have the choice to define my life and when I don’t — it’s no one’s fault but my own. That’s something all too easy to take for granted but I suppose that is the one thing truly great about our country.
Thank you for, as always, being that voice that makes us all think deeper about the important things in this life. XO
It was huge for us to – while in China – examine how good we really do have it in the USA.