Be Well
The guy occupying the window seat next to our middle / aisle needed help. We spent pretty much the entire flight – earlier this summer – talking with him about how to more effectively manage his geographically dispersed team of direct reports.
As you likely know from personal experience, some people just aren’t cut out to manage people. Too often, people get promoted to a leadership position simply because they are strong individual contributors. But that’s a different post.
Anyhow, it happens all of the time. Since we’re in the Life / Career Maximization business, strangers regularly want to pick our brains. Truthfully, we love it. That’s what happens when you figure yourself out and do what you’re supposed to be doing in life. The blissful hum of being in sync with life blurs the line between work and, well, not work. This, too, is really another blog post.
Back to that flight.
Something really interesting came to the surface when discussing this guy’s work problems. It wasn’t just the usual “how do I make my workgroup more of a cohesive team” sort of stuff. Here’s a rough outline of part of conversation:
Kent: Your level of frustration over your work group tells me there’s more going on.
Guy: I know this sounds horrible, but I’m irritated because it’s a group of smart people.
Caanan: What does that mean?
Guy: Honestly, I shouldn’t have to fly around the country babying these people. I mean, all of them have a graduate degree, all of them manage their own teams, one speaks five languages and one just finished an ultra-marathon.
Kent: So, by all appearances, you think everything should be great.
Guy: Yes, but 80% of them are off their game. I feel like a Psychologist.
Caanan: We know the feeling.
Of course, nothing – including this conversation – surprises us. People are complex, and the stuff going on on the inside of all of us is far more complicated than anyone can imagine from seeing only the surface. The a-ha that emerged from this conversation was just that. As individuals, we can tend to eschew thinking holistically when it comes to ourselves and other people. We make leaps and often focus on the obvious and the external and not the internal. As in, “He’s thin, he must be healthy.”
As it relates to the situation on the plane… someone who is fit enough to finish an ultra-marathon can be just as unwell as anyone else.
True wellness isn’t solely about being, for example, educated or fit or healthy. While wellness is certainly about things like taking care of yourself physically, it’s also about so much more. To be truly well, we all have to explore the entire picture of our lives. And we owe it to others – in the workplace and in life – to honor the fact that we’re all multi-faceted with all sorts of beautiful and clunky stuff going on.
The guy on the plane likes to think that he hired a Harvard graduate. He also hired a real person with real problems. Now, it shouldn’t interfere with this person’s job performance, but many managers refuse to acknowledge that employees aren’t robots. By bringing his indestructible, superhuman energy to the workplace (and having the same expectation of others), he was making matters worse.
The funny thing is, the more you validate someone’s complete humanity, the better they’ll do at work and life. Of course, the same holds true for how we should each view ourselves.
Stick around for more. This month’s theme is Wellness. We’re going to be approaching it from both obvious and not so obvious angles.
UPDATE: See this post for a personal example that expands on the topic of wellness in work and life.
I’ve been thinking about this stuff a lot lately. We have been going through detox now that we have dramatically changed our diet and all sorts of things are popping up as a result. There are so many different aspects of feeling healthy and well. It’s not just a healthy body, but a healthy mind and spirit. We are complicated creatures. I look forward to hearing more of your thoughts on this subject.
And it’s tough to make changes like that. Good luck on your journey.
Yea – you’ll hear all sorts of stuff this month
If that guy works for a big company, it probably explains it all. I worked for two big companies before and they end up trying to control peoples personality that much, and end up stifling them. Too many rules and regulations incase something goes wrong, and the employees feel stressed because they can not be themselves.
Yes, big companies do tend to be worse in that way, don’t they? In this case, the company was fairly small.
I love that you are focusing on this … very interesting topic.
Thanks, D – I know that you know all about broken workplaces.
I’m going to work on a list of questions to have at the ready in case I ever find myself sitting next to you guys on a plane. That is a great in-flight service you’re offering there.
I know… Kent was all “We should bill that guy!”
I have a few former employers you should talk to
Go ahead and send along names. We’ll straighten them out.
Sounds like you guys really know your stuff. I wish you could set straight some of my former employers, and coworkers for that matter.
The next post we put up will clue you in further as to why we’re so passionate about healthy workplaces.
Interesting anecdote… I look forward to seeing where you go with this. Thank you for being our virtual life coaches.
For starters, our next post will provide a personal example on why we all need to be able to bring all of us to the workplace (and why we all need to be more accepting of other people).
Watch for a bill for the life coaching services
I’m really digging the wellness theme. We look forward to your next post. Thanks for the inspiration, as always.
Thanks, C2!
I also love that you are doing this theme. So important, and wellness is about who we are on different levels, not just physical health. This story reminds me of a couple of encounters I’ve had lately with people who have on-going depression which makes it hard for them to work at the same speed and efficiency as others. It’s hard for people like them to know if it’s OK to admit it or pretend they are OK…
Situations like that are the toughest – when people have medical conditions with so much shame attached to them. That’s why a good “fit” with the organization’s environment is so important.
“Life Coaching” has been something I’ve had some exposure to lately. I’m sure many high functioning people are on some sort of therapy or have had some measure of life coaching. I understand its more prevalent in certain countries or status groups.
I am curious how people who’ve been through this process interact with each other. If a sense of knowing, or completeness can lead to a clash in smugness somehow. Seems counterintuitive I know.
I’m looking forward to what you have to say, interesting topic.
That’s why so many workplace “self improvement” programs are ineffective. Done improperly, people can gain a false sense of “knowing” and use the information against other people in the group.
Simply, AMEN!!!!!!
“To be truly well, we all have to explore the entire picture of our lives. And we owe it to others – in the workplace and in life – to honor the fact that we’re all multi-faceted with all sorts of beautiful and clunky stuff going on.”
and
“the more you validate someone’s complete humanity, the better they’ll do at work and life.”
You need to one day collate all these golden truths into a book. #JustSayin
It’s about being human and allowing others to be human.
And your book idea = noted
What a good topic. I like those chance meetings (usually on trains, never really so calm on airplanes) that lead to interesting insights.
We are all complex with different goals and desires and beliefs. And often the desires and goals of the office machine or corporate need for value do not get worked around the human needs very well. People are required to adapt to the group and do it with varying degrees of success.
Great way to put it, Andrew. The corporate need for creating shareholder value often negates the value of everything else – including interpersonal savvy.