Life’s Greatest Challenge
The other day, while driving to a hike in Glacier National Park, we got completely sucked into a random interview we landed on when browsing through the different radio stations.
The program was all about showing and being the “real you” at all times. Since this topic is like crack for us, we sat at the trailhead devouring every word.
Completely engaging with a soothing voice, the woman being interviewed was working from the premise that most people move through life without fully allowing their authentic selves to shine through. The thoughts she shared revolved around the core idea that many individuals – somewhere along life’s path – have an experience (or, more often, several experiences) that nudge them towards altering or diluting their natural personalities and attributes. In other words, we take on roles – people pleaser, funny guy, care giver, etc.
For many people this leads to chasing templated notions of success, pursuing dreams that are approved by others and, generally speaking, living outside of yourself. The hallmark symptom is that never-ending “out of sync” feeling that can hang – often subtly, sometimes profoundly – like a black cloud over life’s activities. Having been there ourselves and in ceaseless pursuit of moving further and further away from it, we devote a lot of airtime to that theme around here.
Interesting that we caught that interview while on our yearly camping / hiking extravaganza in Glacier NP. We use this annual trek, specifically, to – individually and as a couple – figure stuff out so that we can more successfully move towards synchronicity with our true selves. We use the fresh air, quiet and outdoors-y surroundings as sort of an annual tune up, clearing out the build up of mental plaque and propelling us forward.
Today, at the end of Challenge Yourself month here at NVR, we want to affirm what we heard on the radio that day. Based on our own lives and the personal experiences of so many people that we’ve interacted with, we’ll even go so far as to say that there’s no more worthwhile or fulfilling challenge than uncovering and embracing the real you. We know, too, from the work we do – helping companies and individuals take positive steps forward – that nothing helps to open up doors quite like bringing the best of you (the real you), and others, to the table.
As we said in a recent post, it all starts with asking life’s tough questions.
Once you start on the path, that off feeling starts to disappear. Best of all, the mental “space” that’s created by removing the gunk opens up room for the power of your internal compass to shine through. What’s that internal compass? Your intuition. When in tune, intuition emerges as a knowingness that shows up as the quiet but powerful cornerstone of your every move.
So, yea, for us that’s what this particular wilderness journey is really all about. Sure, accomplishing mini-challenges is nice, but nothing has been more gratifying for each of us over the years than getting really comfortable with who we are.
It’s a process and a challenge. One we’re both glad we’re navigating – one step at a time.
Wow. Great piece guys. This is something I think of often, and I’m guilty of too. Strangely, the people I am annoyed with are the ones who seem to get it. Maybe is my own hubris at fault…
I think you live a pretty examined life, David.
Let’s go back to that day in Spain and talk about this.
It is a constant endeavor.
It is! I know you know that very well, which is why your story is so inspiring to us.
When the hell do we get to have a margarita with you?
The good thing is that, once you begin, it gets easier and easier.
Very true!
Being the “real you,” can definitely a challenge. We are so easily influenced by things around us and by what others tell us that it’s not hard to start acting or doing things we really weren’t cut out to do – while skipping the things we should be doing. Clearing the mind and thinking in a quiet nature setting is a great way to get some relief, and straighten the course.
That’s the best take away from our yearly (at least) adventure deep into the wilderness. The 100-ish miles of hiking were great, but to have the *stillness* of nature enveloping us was – and always is – the best part.
You should hear all the ideas that flow back and forth during our 600 mile journey back home. Let’s just say we have some very long “dream” lists.
This post really strikes a chord with me. Finding the “real” you might mean unraveling years and years of efforts trying to fit into the moulds we’re told to fit. And truthfully, at some point those efforts BECOME a part of you. So maybe the key is to (gasp) be MORE DELIBERATE about the things we do and the way they shape us as people.
Speaking from experience here, when I took my job 5 years ago I had no idea how it would shape me, in ways both good and bad. Looking back, I would have been more protective of my core traits and values. It is amazing how a million tiny compromises over a period of years can change you. Thanks to the example of people like you two, I truly beleive we can change again, by choosing a life that resonates with the kind of people we want to be.
That first step is the hardest!
“I would have been more protective of my core traits and values. It is amazing how a million tiny compromises over a period of years can change you.” —> We often hear this sort of thing in the HR Consulting / Career Development work we do.
We think you’re a great example of someone who is trying to live a full life with intention. Glad we’re with you on the journey.
Great post. It took me a really long to realize I was on someone else’s path. I still struggle to stay on my own path, but I’m closer to where I should be. I have known for as long as I can remember that I don’t want kids, and I’ve constantly had to deal with people telling me I’ll change my mind. Luckily this is one area I’ve never struggled to stick with my convictions, but even now (or especially now?) that I’m married, people assume I’ll suddenly change my mind. Nope, Andy and I are in complete agreement on that subject. As far as what I “should” be doing with my life, that gets a little more confusing sometimes, but I’m working on it. So many problems probably stem from the fact that too many people follow the cookie cutter path they’ve been told to follow and they never question it. Definitely better to be an individual.
Oh, Ali – I love this comment. We know from many of our friends the pressure you are under, as women, to have kids. And I bet the minute you were married the questions about “when are you having kids” really started rolling in. Good for you for stating your truth publicly and for serving as an example for so many woman who feel the same way but feel shamed into not saying anything.
We have a big “question everything” rule in our house. The fact that kids are encouraged to follow a predetermined path is unforgivable. We urge people to “try on” lots of different options in life. It’s never to late to start thinking critically and to make mindful decisions.
It seems to us that you do a pretty good job of bringing the “real you” to the surface. That will lead you to refining exactly where you should be putting your energy. That’s the path we’re navigating.
We like to think of it as “personal evolution”. And, nature seems to bring reflection out in us also.
Not surprising, Lane!
Great topic… the struggle for self-actualization is one I think about a lot. I would love to know how to get there.
Thanks for the comment, Scott. We’re happy to have you in our world of peeps who are trying to figure it all out.
Great post, gentlemen. Like you, I’m trying to be less how others think I should be, and more of who I want to be. The most important relationship is the one that you have with yourself and if you’re not satisfied with who you are, then that’s going to translate into all aspects of your life as well.
So true. If you can’t get in touch with (and love) the real you, how in the hell are you going to have successful relationships with others.
It probably is indeed life’s greatest challenge, and it’s also a great feeling to take this challenge on and embrace it.
Agreed! Before embracing the challenge of getting to know the real you, it can seem daunting – like too much to take on. Then, once you take that first step, a sort of peace – that transcends the fear – comes over you.
Love this post and that you guys have a yearly ritual for reconnecting with yourselves and each other. Even after turning my life upside down to follow what I should have been doing all along, I still have these “good girl” tendencies leftover from childhood. You’d think after all this it would be easy, but it isn’t. It is so hard to overcome the wiring, and you have to institute something like your “question everything” rule. It’s a constant vigil, but a worthwhile one not to slide back into a life that doesn’t fit.
We are heading to Seattle this fall for a visit and hope to chat about this and more with you guys over a nice bottle of wine!
Just yesterday, we were talking with friends about the tapes from childhood that play over and over and over and try to have a hold on the now. It takes constant awareness.
Well talk more this fall in Seattle.
I hadn’t thought about how the stereotypes of personalities can cause people to also fall into the traditional paths to “success.”
I believe that I have gotten past stereotypes and am not afraid to by myself, however, I learned while being on my own for so long that it is a constant struggle. When faced with new unexpected challenges, it is easy to lose yourself. We should all take a break periodically to assess our lives and make sure we are on track.
Well said
Thanks, Stephanie! You saw us RIGHT before this big adventure. We needed to clear our heads, didn’t we
Just when I was going along altering my persona for today, you guys remind me that it doesn’t have to be that way. Seriously, it really is a challenge for many of us to do something that should be so very simple — be ourselves! I’m afraid it all started at such early ages which makes it so much harder. Thanks to the woman in the interview and you guys for your ongoing encouragement and inspiration.
These roles we can all tend to take on are comforting on some level. They provide us with an identity that’s “easy” and that keeps us from having to face the parts of ourselves that we don’t like.
That is a wonderful piece. It can be so rewarding to truly be oneself, but somewhat terrifying too. A lot to think about here.
Thanks for stopping by Laurence.
Great post. It’s often hard to be the “real” you when there are so many external influences telling us who we *should* be. I think it’s easy to get caught up by societal expectations and sort of go with the flow and live life the way everyone else does. However, I think the older I get, the easier it has become for me to distinguish between what I really want/feel from what I’ve been led to believe I should want/feel. It’s a constant challenge though, I completely agree!
That’s what everyone says. Age brings power and wisdom.
Great post guys. What an important ideal to strive for.
Thanks, Rhonda.
A stubborn “pleaser” I have worked on this for a decade and will continue to for the rest of my life! When I lived in Costa Rica with zero obligations, nothing that I “had” to do, plenty of time to read books about finding your true self… I had the most friends I’ve ever had in my life. Not a coincidence!
The “pleaser” role is a biggie – especially among women. Self awareness is a big step, Abby, so you’re on the right track.
Ha! PREACHING MY RELIGION!!
Sadly, as you know, this is a lesson I’ve learned late in my years. Not sure how as a lifelong listener of NPR myself I never heard an interview like this. Yet, perhaps if I did I still wouldn’t have been ready to listen and practice as I heard preached.
It’s not easy. We live in a world that sets people up for fakeness. And hurt can be its own dark nudging too, making us think that to avoid hurt we need to bury our true selves.
Le sigh. Like another of my favs, Miss Britt (hey lady!) said, it’s a constant endeavor. One step in front of the other. One day at a time. Because it really is just better, even if it still hurts sometimes, to not lie and to embrace who we are no matter what the conflicting outside voices say. Travel helps me with this, it’s my doctor’s order and my excuse to not yet put down permanent roots!
Thanks for sharing who you two really are with all of us.
The pain from being who you really are despite outside pressure, is far less significant than the pain the manifests itself when you commit the biggest betrayal of all —> betraying yourself by not being you.
Another one of those thought provoking posts! Its really tough being your true self all the time in todays world. We are always in a crowd and would not like to be seen down upon, so we end up aping others. But with practise and with a little bit of effort, I think its possible to be yourself.
Yes, it is. And it feels great!
It took me a long time to be comfortable with who I am & know once I accepted it I would never allow anyone make me feel wrong about who I am ever. I am happy to be who I am. I also love that I’m finally living life on my terms and will also continue to do so. Sometimes it’s hard to be different, but as long as you are happy with who you are it’s what matters.
and think about what this last couple of years has done for your outlook and confidence!
Almost 10 years back during my final year of college they had a workshop for us who were going to pass out that year on setting goals, planning your next steps after college and stuff and asked us to share with the rest those plans. At that time I confessed to being clueless about future and ended my story saying “For me Life itself is the greatest challenge and I’ll live it to the fullest”. One of those cheesy statements you make during your college days to sound cool I thought a few years later when I recollected that incident.
Cut to present day where I’ve quit my job and travelling across India and doing all the things I love. And more importantly being the “real me ” after being in unhappily in that cubicle for years. Just last month I was invited by my alma mater to give the students a small pep talk. And I told them to be true to themselves and do what they love. I told them that getting the highest scores in that test, that job interview or that promotion is not as a big thing as they are making out to be. And I ended my talk once again “Life itself is the greatest challenge. Live it to the fullest”
Love that pep talk!