The Toxic Trio
If you want your life to change, you have to change your life.
Before rejiggering our world, we did a lot of dreaming without taking oodles of action. Inaction is a sad reality, and it’s the reason why many people remain perpetually unfulfilled. You want to change, but you have no idea what to do. We, too, had the same struggle initially.
So here we are, back back in Seattle, catching up with everyone before turning around and leaving again. The other day, we had breakfast with a couple of friends who were fixated on talking about a bruised relationship with some horrible “friends” (as our friends referred to them).
First, anyone who treats you badly is not a friend. Second, talking about this over a two hour breakfast quickly reminded us that positive change isn’t just about gaining. It’s also about losing. To create room for the next great thing in your life, you have to be willing to let go. That applies to stuff (which we’ve gotten into) and people. Make space for change by eliminating toxic relationships. Save the noxious for Yellowstone National Park.
We aim to keep soul-killing people far, far away. Energy vampires can somehow manage to suck the life-force out of anything and can make a day a lot more difficult than it needs to be. Here are the three types of people – the toxic trio – that we try to steer clear of. Oh, and we’re not talking about a person who is having a rough day or, perhaps, letting off some steam. We’re talking about those people who – when you really tune into their overall vibe – are not the type who will bring much good to a situation or your life.
This person usually takes a loud, direct, “you’ve got it all wrong” attitude. On the surface, bullies seem easy to spot, but that’s not always the case. A clever bully oftentimes disguises unhelpful energy by playing the expert. This person rallies the troops or gets what he wants by acting like he has seen it all and has therefore implicitly earned the right to be abrupt and abrasive. A really clever bully will often hide behind an often-intriguing layer of sarcastic humor.
Don’t be fooled. Expertise and experience are great, but pay attention to the energy behind the message.
Here again, it seems simple to recognize a negative person. But think for a moment about the people in your life who live in this state of being. People who – when you think about it – are always nay-sayers who perpetually see the glass as half empty. We love us a strong contrarian but not someone who can’t turn a critical viewpoint into an idea or a possibility.
When you leave a Negatron, you don’t feel energized. Stay away from these people.
Many times, a Complainer is a hybrid Bully/Negatron. They love to find fault but, somehow, can’t manage to turn it into something constructive. They like to eschew proactivity and instead wallow.
A vigorous critique is great, but not if it isn’t, ultimately, coming from a constructive place.
For some reason, gravity pulls so many humans (like the friends we had breakfast with) towards paying more attention to people operating in these modes. Let’s all commit to stay the hell away from the toxic trio and, instead, align ourselves with interesting, proactive and supportive people. It starts with each of us.
To attract positive and constructive people, you have to be a positive and constructive person.