Entitlement Sucks
Click. Click. Click.
Right now, I’m addicted to iPhoto and distracted by my own thoughts.
As I click through photos and write this, I’m contemplative. We’re in Denali National Park about to take off for our final adventures here in Alaska. We’re basking in this chance to reboot and in having some time to reconnect with technology (yep, we’re tech junkies) before heading back out.
Reveling in both a gigantic cup of coffee and a blazing fast Internet connection, I am perfectly content. I am overwhelmed with gratitude as I scan the photos we’ve snapped so far. To be able to see and experience all of this – we’re lucky guys.
The only problem is… I’m irritated that others don’t see it that way.
I click on a beautiful photo and flash back.
“I told them we wouldn’t walk far,” said the able-bodied – but highly agitated – woman when the shuttle dropped her off about 40 feet from the door of her hotel room.
Her husband incoherently grumbled something horrible in the general direction of the driver.
I, feeling equally sour (over their attitudes), thought ”How much closer do you want to get your lazy asses dropped off.”
Instead of actually saying anything and risking the wrath of these two dragons, I peered out the shuttle window with such intensity that others must have though I saw a UFO. I was embarrassed for this couple and by the not uncommon mentality that screams “Hey everyone! The world revolves around me. Act accordingly.”
I put my head back on the high-backed shuttle seat and went into a nefarious, pessimistic spiral. (Hey, don’t judge. Unbridled negativity is pretty rare in NVR land, so I decided to lean into it.)
Yep, before eventually turning my own attitude around, I proceeded to do a mental inventory of similar experiences we had encountered in Alaska. So many people mad as hell about something – usually benign. Things like not seeing moose and, oh, get this one… the long summertime days in Alaska. “How can you expect us to sleep with the sun shining in at 11:00 pm?!” One woman barked as though the hotel clerk could actually do something about it.
So, yes, I’m looking at pictures like this and getting especially irritated by entitled travelers.
During summertime, Alaska is a hot piece of trampled over real estate, so we’re sharing this brief window of opportunity with lots of other visitors. Because of that, this journey – in particular – has exposed us to a lot of… hmmm, shall I say difficult people.
I take a gulp of my coveted non-camp coffee (that I’m clutching as though it’s the last I’ll ever have) and try to wrap my head around where this irritation is coming from. My mind wanders back to a glowing, great-energied couple we met earlier.We immediately got a refreshing vibe from them.
I remember turning to Caanan and saying “They’re so positive. I want to get to know them!” Our itineraries were similar, so my wish became a reality.
I guess I’m a visual, because the following scene is now burned into my brain…
Sitting on cramped chairs in a bustling, expansive hotel lobby, one of our new friends dashed off for a moment. The other smoothly told us that they are both sick. The kind of sick that doesn’t go away. He slid it into the conversation so gracefully that my brain had to catch up with his words.
In that second, I felt a ginormous wave of emotion move from the tips of my toes to the top of my head. I pretended to be distracted by the continuos wave of passersby because turning into a blubbering mess wasn’t something I thought would be too cool in the moment. I decided to awkwardly rummage through my backpack in search of a mysterious something that, in truth, didn’t exist.
Killing seconds. Breathing slowly. Figuring out what to say. Unable to speak.
“Why aren’t these two grumbling about walking 40 feet?” I thought.
Instead, the other returned and, with their positivity dials turned up to 10, they said they wanted to join us on a trail run to the top of a 3500 foot mountain. They were having such a great time in Alaska; they didn’t want to miss a thing.
“We just need to be a little careful,” one said.
As the four of us hiked and jogged to the top of that mountain, enjoying the cool, crisp air and the nearly neon blanket of autumnal colors, I thought about the kind of person that I want to be. The kind of attitude I want to have. The kind of outlook that I want to define me.
Later that night, we talked about how our new friends had inspired us and how we felt like ding dongs for bitching about the slightly rough beginning to our Alaska adventure (and other moronic crap). Another good reminder to check ourselves. Regularly.
So… finishing up my coffee and going through the remaining photos, I’m pumped to get back out there. We have many more mind-blowing moments to come as we dive into the last part of our visit. We’ve agreed to stay focused on positive people who inspire us and not the people whose sole purpose for getting up in the morning – it seems – is to make others miserable.
We know how lucky we are to be able to witness this magnificence. To be able to make it to the top of a mountain. To be able to have a coffee and a tech addiction. To not be sick. To have the freedom of choice and the gift of opportunity.
What’s your take on entitlement?
First, I have to say that, even though the first couple you described may have seemed able-bodied, there are serious illnesses that are not readily discernible. My brother has MS and sometimes has trouble walking long distances but you would not know it by looking at him. Some people probably get annoyed when they see what looks like an able-bodied guy with a handicapped sticker on his car. Having said that, I agree with you about those entitled morons you see all the time when traveling. The sad thing is they almost always turn out to be Americans! And one final comment about the last couple – my family has learned just recently to relish every single second of our lives after my sweet and lovely 28-year old niece was diagnosed with a malignant, fast-growing brain tumor. Yes, it’s the daughter of that same brother. And his kind, generous and loving wife who is like a sister to me, has RA. Life really sucks sometimes, doesn’t it?
That’s such a good point, Jan. This is something we try to be very mindful of. Our distaste for this couple was more about their attitude – disability or not, there is no reason to be this ill spirited towards others. Even if they genuinely could not walk the 40 feet (seeing them do just fine around Denali suggests they could), there is a way to address these things with kindness. Of course we mess up at times too
This is about taking a moment to call out that behavior in others and ourselves.
So sorry to hear about the illnesses in your family! Yes, life does suck sometimes and it can be especially difficult to keep a positive attitude in light of events like the ones your family is dealing with. This is the main reason why we try so hard to practice gratitude every day. Things could all be completely upended tomorrow.
We’ve encountered these “difficult” people on our travels as well and we’ve learnt to shrug it off and give them the benefit of the doubt — Maybe their feet really was hurting, maybe they have never traveled before, maybe they didn’t want to come here in the first place, maybe they had a really sucky day, just maybe etc… By giving them the benefit of the doubt, we turn our frustration at them into more of an empathetic feeling.
Thanks for sharing this post. This is a great reminder for us to self check as well – to make sure that WE choose positive interactions over negativity on all our travels.
I hear you, Shirlene. Empathy is always the right answer, and we tend to be empathetic to a fault.
However, there is never a time when being unnecessarily unkind – and acting ridiculously entitled – is appropriate (like expecting a clerk to do something about the sun – really?!). We need to be careful that we don’t become apologists for totally uncool behavior. We can tend to shrug it off too much (at the expense of, say, service people who already have it pretty tough).
I love those people you met!!! I strive to be like that but sometimes I feel so jaded that I want to grumble/mumble. That’s when I remember that life is short & so is my trip.
“Life is short and so is my trip.” Love that!
Jan and Shirlene already brought up the same point that had me concerned.Now that you guys clarified that, I’ll just say I agree totally with all said. Good reminder to focus on the positive and appreciate how fortunate we are in our lives. Beautiful photos, guys. What’s to be negative about at Denali, right?
I don’t think there’s anything to be negative about at Denali, but let me think about it
And, just to clarify – this post is about jerks who treat others with a “the world revolves around me” attitude. We want to be better about standing up for those people (often in the service industry) who are on the receiving end of this behavior.
I don’t always handle mine or others grumpiness gracefully either. Something I am working on in my practice is thinking there might be reason that car is racing around you or riding your bumper or talking loudly or expecting to be waited on hand and foot.
It might be they are rushing to the hospital or heard of a death in their family or they are just out of sync today. Or just perhaps they weren’t brought up to act kindly to others or even themselves.
I like the days when I am blessed with being kind, compassionate and helpful to others unfortunately it is not 24/7. Grumpiness and lack of tolerance of others takes over and then I not just grumpy with them but now with me for being grumpy with them.
My practice needs more practice.
You are not alone. All of our practice needs more practice! There is a beautiful lyric from a Smith’s song that says “it takes guts to be gentle and kind.” It also takes deliberate, hard work at times.
Judging by appearances is a dangerous and unfair thing to do. But, this has already been said in previous comments and I hear your answers to that. A word about service stuff: they don’t have it easy, but they are pretty good at defending themselves and elegantly blowing off the ‘nasties’. I have watcheg them do so on several occasion (once a guy complained that there was no aircon and demand they do something about it. It just so happened that there was a power cut in the entire district! The clerk, with a straight face, offered him a fan; no,no, not the kind which runs with a battery, the one you have to move with your wrist. I nearly wet myself with laughter when I saw the stupid guest’s face,she had never seen a thing like that. Mind, this was Spain, where a fan is a fashion accessory). Generally speaking, I just don’t pay attention to idiots. I have better things to do with my time, like admiring the miracles of the place I happen to visit.
Love that story! We feel for service people (having been in that role ourselves). We’re with you – focusing on the wonder of the place we’re visiting is a top priority.
We do have to come down to earth every once in a while and call bullshit on bad behavior.
More importantly, though, we want to highlight the amazing people we meet who rise above the easy path of negativity.
I suspect those of us who have grown up in the US are naturally more inclined to entitlement. Even the poorest in our country have it better than the poor in many other countries. And our rich? Forget about it. They’re a new breed of kings and queens.
But I genuinely spend every day lately trying to be happiest with simple things, fulfilled by little. And every day I can keep that as my focus – turns out to be the “happiest day of my life”.
I believe attitude is something within our possession to control. The key, is choosing to control it. And when we screw up, getting back on the horse after the fall. (Forgive the metaphor heavy comment.)
We can always count on you to drive the point home.
Yes, we in the “developed world” are naturally skewed toward entitlement. We are so fortunate to have, that we forget what it is to need. Left unchecked, we easily fall into the belief that this dream is our birthright – like we deserve this (which implies others do not).
And your point about poverty in the US compared to poverty elsewhere is spot on. It is not a popular point – and we honor that suffering is suffering – but being poor here in the US is like being rich in many countries.
I think we better get together so that we can discuss this further.
We all complain about the last 40 feet sometimes. We all let other negative people get us down when we shouldn’t. We’re all human.
The point is to make the realization of the fact that being able to walk 40 feet or take photographs is a beautiful thing – something that we should be grateful for and not feel entitled to. Too many people believe the latter.
Lovely post.
Dalene
Isn’t that the truth! The ability to walk 40 feet or climb a mountain is a gift. We try to be very aware of this and we try to surround ourselves with others who try as well.
Although a couple of perceptive posters have pointed out that the first couple may have had a genuine grievance, I´ll trust your judgement on this one.
So many people seem to think they are handing over responsibility for their happiness when they hand over the dollars, to a hotel, or travel agent, or whatever. It really doesn´t matter whether you have spent a hundred dollars or ten thousand, whether you have a good day or not is entirely down to you.
Good, grumpy post.
Well said, Robin. We are personally responsible for the energy we put out.
Oh, regarding that first couple (on the shuttle). Grievance or not isn’t the point, it’s about how people treat people.
I can completely relate to feeling frustrated with people who treat service industry workers with disrespect. I see it all the time and it continually amazes me.
I like the other commenters who have said they try to give people the benefit of the doubt, because my initial reaction is to comment how too many people, especially in the US, think the world revolves around them.
Great photos! This place looks amazing!
They are not mutually exclusive.
You can give people the benefit of the doubt, but also deplore that too many people think the world revolves around them.
Here’s my thought on it… People are here to remind you not to be an ungrateful twat. They lead by example, sometimes it’s a good example, sometimes it is not. Life is generally not fair, to anyone, but if you can move through trials w/grace, you give off positive vibes, which come back to you ten-fold.
*Slow. Clap.*
I have to admit my first reaction is usually not to give someone the benefit of the doubt. I’m trying hard to not judge so quickly, I find myself more relaxed and easy spirited on the days I’m able to let it go!
So glad you met the second pair. We can all use a dose of inspiration and motivation, we’re all more blessed than we can imagine.
We’ve been very lucky about having inspirational experiences on the road – especially lately.
I’ve been following you guys for awhile, but this may be my favorite post to date. You nailed it. Sometimes it’ someone else’s bad behavior that reinforces your own determination NOT to be like them.
Have a wonderful time, and stay happy!
Peace.
Nancy
PS: I just started posting my China adventures, if you’re interested.
Thanks, Nancy – appreciate it.
I think we’ve all run into whining people like those who didn’t want to walk or the problem child who didn’t do any homework to realize it is light all day in Alaska during the summer. Sometimes we may have even become them much to our shame! Attitude is important and we all need to have ours adjusted from time to time.
My guess is the couple who were whining weren’t ill, those with illnesses don’t usually complain like that!
Great, thought provoking post.
True that —-> “…those with illnesses don’t usually complain like that!”
What’s funny is that I’ve always thought about entitlement within a gender and social class context, but never in terms of a travel attitude.
I think we’ve been quite lucky thus far to have not met any of these folks on the road. Granted, we’ve met some really annoying and obnoxious people, but no one who has been so mean-spirited. In any context, such a nasty sense of entitlement freaking sucks.
With the way we move and the places we usually go, we don’t see as much as I’m sure others do. Being in some pretty tourist heavy places in Alaska, though, we got a huge dose. Thus the post
Grumbling aside, we did really learn a lot from ALL of the people we came across.
I can’t believe some of those complaints. I actually think you stayed very positive, because I would’ve been tempted to say something to the people who made those complaints. It just drives me nuts!
I still feel really lucky anytime I get to travel and visit new places, and I hope I never lose that.
That’s kind of why we thought this was an important topic for us to address. For our own sake, we want to be mindful of what we witness on the road so as to remember what we DON’T want to be like.
I’m with you guys, when I’m traveling I look at the sunny side of every situation. I’m just happy to be out in the world! People with bad attitudes should stay home.
We try to look at the sunny side (“try” is the critical word in that statement!).
I can relate to how you handled it. The negativity of others can be so easily contagious and impact me. It can suck you in! And then I remember that is not who I am. I also try to remember that everyone is fighting a hard battle on their own journey. Patience…and we can’t project our expectations of how we handle life and struggles on others expecting they are as equipped to do so. Our journeys have brought us to a place of being positive and embracing of life. It’s a learned and evolved perspective. Others aren’t in that same place. Yet.
I find myself sticking up for others unnecessarily on the receiving
end of this kind of behavior at least to boost them up or make them smile to help them shift their own attitude away from the negative
vibe.
Daily gratitude is one of my favorite spiritual practices. It became even more so when I was diagnosed with MS. Fortunately it does not significantly impact my life or limit me at all. Yet. I never know if or when that will change. I am blessed though and will be sure to embrace every day with love!
Thanks for your thoughtful input. I love what you say about being mindful of those people on the receiving end of negativity. Now THAT’S what it means to show up in the moment and thinking beyond your own self interest. Incredible.
Ah, entitlement. Some might say we are all entitled just because we travel, right? How many times have you heard, “it must be nice…” when you tell someone (who doesn’t travel much) about your latest or next trip. And while a little of that may be true, for me it’s all about the priorities I make which allow me to travel (as opposed to buying a new or or TV). Truthfully though, many people cannot afford to travel at all. For them, international travel is a once in a lifetime dream. Let’s not forget that.
Entitlement during travel is a whole other ball game. The ones which gall me the most are the ultra-budget backpackers who will haggle for an hour over 10 baht (about 30 cents) but travel loaded with expensive electronics. Those are the ones I want to smack.
Good points. And, yes, we hear “it must be nice” all the time.
I’m often guilty of negativity, but not, I hope, hostility. As with Kristina, the “budget-conscious” backpackers really get my goat, brow-beating locals over 10 cents or whatever but equipped with laptops, DLSR and plenty of money for weed and beer.
Because they lack the awareness of their own entitlement, and are blind to what’s around them.
LOL
Very Interesting pictures!
Thanks!
Beautiful post guys. This is so true and I think we can all get caught out with it once in a while, just as long as it is only once in awhile. I couldn’t handle living my life with a negative attitude. I can’t stand it when I just have temporary moments of it. It is so dark and depressing and life is so light and beautiful.
A couple of months ago a well known travel blogger told me that he thought gratitude was too touchy feely and overdone. I felt so sorry for that person because I don’t think he has ever felt great joy in his life or great tragedy. You can’t experience either without looking at life with total love and gratitude. You can never overdo it, and the couple you met have obviously suffered tragedy because they understand that each moment has to be savoured and adored.
Thanks for your thoughtful insight.
We were just talking to a couple of friends (yesterday) about how so many people feel this way. People who say things like that are often pretty blocked in life, which is why being touchy feely is such a turn off for them.
I can’t STAND entitled people in general, and it’s even worse being around that type during travel. I avoid them as much as possible. Kudos to you for not losing your cool with those “40 feet is too far to walk” jerks because if it were me in your shoes, depending on my mood, they would’ve been screamed on. :-/
We like you
This reminds me of every single time I flew into the little airport near where I was living in Costa Rica. People would get off the plane in tropical paradise and start complaining and yelling about the lack of organization in the immigration lines. I’d just laugh. You come here to unwind because life is sloooow here. It’s going to be that way EVERYWHERE, because that’s how Life Is Here. They wanted to have Germany-worthy organization the second they land and then go have their $1 beers on the beach? People want it all!!
So true and so funny. Thinking back, I think I’ve seen the same thing many times.
It’s much harder to pause a moment to think about what you are going to say or how you are going to act. Unfortunately, some people are just on self-centered, blurt-it-out mode. If only they would wake up and pour just enough liquid in their glass to make it 51% full.
Whenever I hear comments like these, it’s hard for me not to say something comedic that shows how ludicrous their comments are (if they get it).
Reminds me of Chris’ recent trip to Egypt – she had to witness one guy saying horrible things about Islam during a Mosque tour and other ladies who couldn’t understand why many Egyptians can’t speak English. That’s just downright rude and ignorant.
Oh no! Complaining that Egyptians can’t speak English? I always pause for a moment when someone is talking about an international getaway and they say something like “Many of the people speak English, so it’s great.” Of course, I know what they mean (ease, etc.), but it still feels wrong.
Just found your blog and love it. I’m a nurse and am amazed at how entitled people act in the hospital. And I’m not talking about excellent care – we are entitled to that. But the number of people who complain b/c they see there are 2 rooms next to the nurses station bigger than their’s (b/c they are for sicker people.) The patient who was furious b/c she had to visit her children in the lobby (during flu season they sometimes won’t let kids on the floors) and she saw a child visiting in the next room. She didn’t know, and we of course can’t say, “that person is dying and this is the last time her 2 year old will see her. You’re going home tomorrow.” Or my absolute favorite, ” Everything has gone wrong, what else can possibly happen?” Invariably this is from someone that nothing has gone wrong on. Oh, I can tell you some things that could possibly happen. So yes, let’s drop the “I am a victim on my incredible vacation.” Or the “I just had a perfectly healthy baby but they woke me up at 6am to draw my blood so this experience has been horrible.”
Thanks for sharing that interesting perspective. We often talk about how extreme and unusual experiences tend to magnify personalities. I can imagine this is no more so true than in a hospital – we have witnessed it time and time again with our own families. It is in these times when you get to see the best / worst of people.
I would imagine you also see some really astounding attitudes – people bringing a sense of calm and lightness, even when faced with situations that seem almost incomprehensible to most of us. Kent and I strive to react in this way. Our goal is to be the eye of the storm, calming presences in the face of trying times. Sometime we are successful sometime we’re not. But we have noticed that the more extreme the situation, the more successful we tend to be. I think that means we are on the right track.
What a great dichotomy! Always interesting to meet and get to know fellow travelers…some make you want to pull your hair out (like the first couple)…and others widen your window/perspective of the world. Great post!