5 Lies That Travelers Tell Themselves
We decided it would be a good idea to have some different viewpoints here at No Vacation Required. While we’re out exploring Kauai, enjoy this debut guest post from “the devil on the other shoulder.” Aloha!
Thanks, Kent and Caanan. Enjoy the beach. *door slamming*
OK. Now that the NVR Guys have left the condo, here’s the deal. Whether you’re a new or a seasoned traveler, there are some truths we have to start admitting. These “truths” apply to nearly any location but are inspired by what I – the devil on the other shoulder – am witnessing here on Kauai. Don’t hate me.
1) You did not get food poisoning at the luau.
Yeah… You got food poisoning from the food at the luau just like I got food poising from having chips, salsa and 10 margaritas last night. The kalua pig did not make you sick. The all-you-can-drink mai tais did. You were stumbling drunk. Good for you! Own it.
2) Your excursion is not the only one to go 30 minutes longer.
Are you still believing that lie that tour operators tell? I know, I know…. You did have a great group on the tour and I’m sure that the leader loved you all to pieces. Remember, though, that this guy is interested in making tips and getting referrals. I bet that most excursions run “unexpectedly” longer.
3) You are not the first person to see a whale this season.
I understand – that’s what the tour guide told you (ahem, $$$). This falls in the same camp as #2, but it’s gotta be mentioned. If I had a dime for every person who claimed to have seen the “first whale” this year, I’d be very rich. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy that you saw a whale. Really.
4) You did not get an upgrade because you are cute and/or charming.
Tough love. You likely got an upgrade because 1) the hotel is not at capacity or 2) some people paid even less than you did. I am sure that you are cute and charming though. Keep workin’ it – it can’t hurt.
5) The bartender won’t keep in touch.
Nor will the flight attendant, the cabin steward or server. They meet plenty of (incredible!) people like you and are doing their job. I’m sure your connection was special and that the bartender really got you. Just don’t expect a call, an e-mail or even a text.
Enough said.
Any travel truths you want to add to the list? Leave a comment!
LOL! It turns out I’ve been completely deluding myself! I would also add that your Spanish (or whatever non-English language you are speaking) is probably not that good, despite what the locals may tell you!
Too funny, Laurel! We got told that A LOT in Ecuador. Hmmm… Were they all lying?
What?? People always tell me my Spanish is good! Those motherf’ers….no really they are just trying to be nice
I was told I speak really good English “for a Canadian” once….funny, I didn’t think it was a compliment at all.
Great post you two!
Short, snappy, fun and true — enjoyed the post!
Glad you enjoyed, Cathy. It REALLY is true in our experience talking to people as we travel everywhere (not just here on Kauai). We fall for #3 very easily. We have been known to be the guys who say things like “Yeah, our guide said we saw the first Quetzal he had seen in 5 weeks.”
So true! This happens all the time and in all sorts of forms and lies! And we are willing, er, dumb to believe them. lol
Exactly! That’s why we had fun with this post. All of us – even “seasoned” travelers – believe some of the lies.
Haha, this is great. I love the people who think they get upgrades or the bartender is friendly to them because they are cute and/or charming. Hilarious post. Well done and a welcome laugh here on this gloomy Monday.
We wanted to inject some humor on cyber Monday (because there is NOTHING funny about spending too much money!).
Haha, good stuff! It made me chuckle. It’s all so true, though.
hmmm, i get “food poisoning” a lot on the road. thanks for blowing my secret.
i have definitely got some bargains that no one else could get from that little old lady selling stuff at the market. yeah right.
I thought you’d like that, Jaime! And #1 (the food poisoning one) is our favorite by far. A hungover woman talking about food poisoning actually inspired the post.
Drink more Whisky neat, and kill those bugs before they get to you.
My wife reckons I’m deluding myself again……..
Good laugh for a brilliant Monday….er sorry Tuesday over here.
More whisky – sounds good!
Haha soo true!! I especially loved the last one.. believe it or not, it took me a while to fully come to terms with that!!
I’ll tell you a funny story one day of how I went crazy after drinking a ton of whisky and getting stood up by a cute American while in New Zealand..
yea….not my best moment.
Oh, we must hear the details.
What?? Damn! That’s why all those flight attendant, the cabin steward, server, cabana boys, bar tenders and pool boys never called me or added me on Facebook!!
booo
haha good post!
Great read!
Great funny post to start my day………..thanks!
Maybe YOU’RE not cute and charming, but some of us…
Heh.
These lies do not apply to you. Anyone who earns a trip to Antarctica has all sorts of crazy wonderful stuff that happens to her. I bet you always get upgraded. I bet the bartender always keeps in touch.
There are always exceptions
this post is really funny,
Funny post and very very true.
The words: “I’ll give you very special price. Just for you”, means translated: I’ll charge you twice as much as everybody else you dumb touri…
Oh… yep – there’s another one, Inka. How many times have we all heard “just for you” when on the road?
This was funny. I think one of the lies I tell myself is… “Ben you are first-class cabin material”
Funny thing is, Ben… You ARE first class cabin material.
haha, love it! The food poisoning one is a classic, so true! I hope this is the first in a series from the mysterious devil in disguise.
Yes, Jools – our guest poster is already asking to make a return visit. Says it’s cathartic.
D’oh!! I like to blame my sickness on food. It’s easier that way.
Have you two not been to Turkey yet? The barman WILL call you – whether you want him to or not!
Love it when people blame their kebab for their sickness – nothing to do with cocktails, Efes and raki chasers they had BEFORE the kebab!
Great post. Cute and charming have gotten me around the world. Are you telling me this was all a lie!!! He He
Damn, I’ve been sooo tricked all my life:))I must say it was somewhat conciously done on my part because it’s nice to believe in these stuff once in a while, that’s what makes a trip special=when you feel special while taking it and, you know, it’s not just the places, it’s also the people that make those places seem so great. Anyways, ballance people, ballance in everything:D
Good post! I really enjoyed the honesty of this. More like this please!
Terrific for naming the Elephant in the room. Funny and the comments definitely add to this too
So does this mean I don’t get upgrades not because I’m not cute? Haha.
Btw, regarding no 5. I do keep in touch with some guests I meet while working on my cruise ship. Why not?